Harry Potter Should Have Died in ‘The Deathly Hallows’

We love the Harry Potter movies. But, if we’re being honest, Harry had plenty of chances to bite the dust as he encountered evil wizards, strange creatures, and perilous journeys throughout the series. Instead of giving in to the whimsy of this fantasy series, we’re taking stock of all the times Harry could (and should) have died.

Check out all the ways that Harry could have perished in:

• The Sorcerer’s Stone
• The Chamber of Secrets
• The Prisoner of Azkaban
• The Goblet of Fire
• The Order of the Phoenix
• The Half-Blood Prince

I’m not going to cash grab this article by making it two parts because that would be unethical. Obviously, I didn’t think the movie necessarily needed to be two parts either. But I digress. Today, we look at Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 and Part 2 to count how many ways Harry Potter could have and should died. (Spoiler: it’s a lot.)

Obviously, this list is going to get pretty long, considering that this is by far the most deadly Harry Potter movie. Death Eaters and Voldemort and giant snakes, oh my! Bear with me as the Boy Who Lived dies many, many times.

Harry Potter and the Dangerous Freak Electrical Storms

• Harry still only knows like two spells. That fact alone should signal the death of him.
• Despite knowing that he is being hunted by some of the most powerful witches and wizards in the world, Harry still decides not to hide.
• Harry falls off Hagrid’s motorcycle.
• The Death Eaters kill Harry on his magical motorcycle ride.
• Harry is struck by lightning as Hagrid takes them straight through a magical wizard storm.
• Harry falls asleep at the wheel. Don’t drive drowsy!
• Voldemort electrocutes Harry in his angry magical electrical storm.
• Harry drowns in the small pond he lands the motorcycle in.
• Lupin kills Harry because Harry can’t remember what was in the corner of Lupin’s office the first time they met. (Honestly, who could??)
• Harry doesn’t seem like he’s getting enough sleep. I think sleep deprivation will kill him before Voldemort does.

Harry Potter and Why Are We Having a Wedding at the End of the World?

• The Children of the Corn that live around the Weasley’s house kill Harry.
• Harry dies of being awkward.
• The Weasley boys kill Harry because he’s such a creep around Ginny. Act like a normal person, Harry!
• Who is that random lady at the wedding? She’s so unsettling. She kills Harry.
• Death Eaters murder Harry at the wedding.
• The wedding tent burns down with Harry inside.
• Hermione apparates the three friends right in front of a double-decker bus where they are all immediately run over.
• Harry wanders around in dark London alleys and gets shanked.
• The Death Eaters kill Harry in the diner.
• Kreacher kills Harry. Such an unpleasant little gremlin.

Harry Potter and the Scenic Tour of the Forests of the United Kingdom

• Any one of the three friends blow their cover at the Ministry and they are all killed.
• Dementors kill Harry and his little friends.
• Umbridge sense Harry’s insolence and kills him outright.
• USE YOUR WAND, HARRY!
• That scary blond Death Eater dude kills Harry as he tries to escape the Ministry.
• Harry gets splinched while apparating instead of Ron. It kills him.
• A random deer hunter thinks that Harry is a deer in the woods and shoots him.
• Harry wanders off in the woods and is killed by a bear.
• Hermione tries to destroy the Horcrux but destroys Harry instead.
• The Snatchers sense the three behind their magical protections and kill them.
• I haven’t seen anyone eat in this film yet. I’m pretty sure Harry is going to starve to death.

Harry Potter and the Stupid Boy Who Died of Hypothermia 

• Harry falls off a cliff.
• Why are you kissing the Snitch, Harry? You are going to accidentally choke on it.
• Harry freezes to death because he believes a light jacket to be appropriate winter wear.
• The zombie apocalypse begins while Harry is just wandering around a graveyard.
• The scary snake lady murders Harry.
• Harry cuts himself on his special piece of glass and bleeds to death.
• Harry drowns in the frozen pond after the Horcrux strangles him. Even if he didn’t drown, he didn’t really warm himself up when he got out of the pond. This boy is going to die of hypothermia.
• As young boys often do, Harry lights the entire tent on fire.
• Mr. Lovegood murders Harry because Harry is too entranced with the story of the Deathly Hallows.
• Mr. Lovegood’s house collapses on top of Harry after the Death Eaters destroy it.

Harry Potter and the Time I Cried More for an Elf’s Death than an Actual Human’s Death

• USE YOUR WAND, HARRY.
• Hermione accidentally kills Harry instead of just temporarily disfiguring his face.
• Draco murders Harry.
• Bellatrix murders Harry.
• Bellatrix’s knife accidentally hits Harry instead of Dobby.
• Dobby apparates the group into the middle of the ocean.
• That random Death Eater in Diagon Alley kills Harry.
• One of the guards senses Harry in Gringotts’ and kills him.
• Harry flies off the bank vault cart to his death.
• The dragon eats Harry.
• Harry is suffocated by the multiplying items in Bellatrix’s vault.

Harry Potter and the Year He Realized Voldemort was His SOULmate (hehe get it?)

• Dragon fire incinerates Harry.
• The dragon smashes Harry against a wall.
• Harry falls off the dragon.
• Harry drowns in the lake they drop into.
• Once again, Harry is going to die of hypothermia.
• The guards at Hogsmeade immediately kill Harry.
• Snape kills Harry.
• All the rushing students trample Harry.
• Helena Ravenclaw kills Harry…somehow.
• Why does Harry have a mini heart attack every time Voldemort has an emotional moment?

Harry Potter and What’s With the Little Fetus Voldemort?

• Harry gets lost in the Room of Requirement.
• The wizard fire kills Harry.
• Harry is killed in any number of ways running through the chaos to the boathouse.
• Harry trips and falls down the Great Hall stairs.
• Whilst traveling in the forest, the forest creatures eat Harry.
• Finally! Harry has died!
• Wait, no, he’s back again.
• Narcissa Malfoy lies and Voldemort kills Harry for real.
• Harry jumps off the stairs to be cool but he accidentally kills himself.
• Harry dies on the magical Voldemort flying tour of Hogwarts.
• Step away from that ledge, Harry! HARRY! YOU ARE TOO CLOSE TO THE EDGE! HARRY!

The True Hero of this Film is…

Neville Longbottom. You knew this one was coming. Neville really stepped up to the plate in this last film. In fact, he is ultimately the reason Voldemort is dead. He is the reason Harry was still alive to defeat Voldemort. Neville was the true hero of The Deathly Hallows and we all know it.

Okay, okay, I’ll grudgingly give Harry some credit. Even though he was still awkward as heck in this movie, he showed a measure of courage and bravery unmatched by previous films. I mean, it’s pretty courageous to name your child Albus Severus Potter. Or stand that close to the edge of a crumbling bridge. Come to think of it, Harry might just have a death wish. He nearly died 73 times in The Deathly Hallows. Time to call it a day, Harry.

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